a walking pad and everything else i wanted to buy this week but didn't*

*couldn't afford

Jun 10, 2024

Happy Sunday, friends. I owe a 6,000-word first draft to a publication on the 15th — ask me how much of it I’ve written. Actually, please don’t. I’m having a great day.

But I will ask you: are you sitting on some super secret beignet lore? Maybe you’re just incredibly enthusiastic about them? Perhaps you’re part of the cult of du monde and are privy to some sweet enigmata that us common folk aren’t? Please let me know so I can pick your brain for ideas that my own is having trouble spurring.

I keep telling myself — and everyone else — that I work best under pressure, but the truth is that I’ve never not worked under pressure, so I’m not entirely sure if this is my best work. If anything that I’ve ever created could’ve been better with more time. Today in Procrastination!™, instead of penning thousands of words about my favorite snack, I’ve fallen victim to the clutches of capitalism. (I figured there’s no better way to spend a Sunday evening that dragging you down with me.) Also, I need to preserve what little creative juice I have left to complete the aforementioned essay, but didn’t want to skip sending out something today.

Summer compels me to spend money. It’s probably the increase in serotonin, courtesy of the sun, or the lingering teenage fantasy that this will be my summer. Without fail, right around the beginning of June, my camera roll starts to fill with screenshots of shit that I want but don’t need. When I have ~feelings~, I write them down and they fizzle out, or at least hush up for a little while; maybe doing the same here will curb my perennial itchy palm too.

I’ve relinquished financial control and given my partner the fiscal reins in our relationship. More on that later, but the key takeaway is that I get an allowance now. It’s actually incredibly freeing for me, getting x amount of dollars every month to do whatever I want with. I no longer have to hide my immersion blender or fancy vitamin subscription, but now I spend hours hardcore scheming on what I could buy, like a 13-year-old with their first nominal paycheck.

(I’m not nearly important enough for affiliate marketing, so don’t worry, there’s no money in these links.)

Everything inessential thing I screenshot(ted?) this week:

A Jiu Jitsu membership — Instagram has caught on to my perpetual quest to find my fitness “thing,” because it keeps serving up ads for fancy gyms and workout equipment. Most of them have green walls or props of some sort, too, which feels especially targeted. I’ve never considered jiu jitsu, but I have considered many of the other obscure, ethnic athletic activities like capoeira and tai chi. I don’t even know how much this costs, it doesn’t open until August, but the font tells me that it’s too much for me.
The latest issue of Yolo Journal — I’m a big, big fan of
Yolo Intel
, and an even bigger fan of Yolo Journal. She’s an expert in sparking up the FOMO within, and a little wanderlust is good for he psyche. (Or something.) I actually made it to the checkout screen with this one, but my phone didn’t save the CVC code and I was too lazy to get up and grab my wallet at the time.
ON Cloudmonsters in Glacier Meadow — I’m really outing myself as incredibly impressionable here, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that this was probably (definitely) influenced by Zendaya’s new partnership announcement. To be honest, I wasn’t even aware that I liked Zendaya like that, but I guess I do??? Plus, I need something to wear to Jiu Jitsu. When I start. In August.
This hair comber/moisturizing application thing — It’s called the Mint and, supposedly, it’s a brush and moisturizer dispenser in one and it spits out heat. It’s $400 (and pre-order only), but let’s be real, that’s what it costs to step a pinky toe into a hair salon in 2024. I’m probably delusional to think that this will suddenly incentify me to comb my own hair, but I don’t know, maybe temptation is stronger than delusion.
Essa Bagels from Goldbelly — I don’t like much about NYC, but y’all’s bagels really are unearthly. This will probably be the one thing from this list that I do actually buy. Today. Maybe now.
A walking pad — Somebody for the love of god please tell me if these things are worth the hype before I succumb to the puissance of peer pressure. My TikTok shop cart contains at least 5 versions of this thing in three different colorways, so I haven’t bothered screenshotting it, but if you’ve been on the internet at all in 2024 a visual isn’t necessary. Do you use yours or has it just become a very clunky rug in your living room?
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Maharishi Asym Cargo Pants in Black — These pants are so. good. They’re also $350. I feel like nothing else needs to be said.
Cold Picnic’s ‘Embrace’ in Green — This $1950 rug means everything to me. I have it bookmarked and look at it every week, hoping that it goes on sale. (It doesn’t.) I want to romp and roll around on it like a happy little bichon frisé. In my heart, I just know that this would score me a feature in Dwell.
Nowadays Micro Dose — Sobriety was easy enough in the winter, but now that it’s summer again, I too would like to have a little drinky drink on the veranda and paying $15 a pop for fancy juices (hello, mocktails) is getting old. It just feels like I should, at the very least get a little adaptogenic buzz for that price. I don’t even smoke weed, but I don’t know, maybe I could drink it?
Plantstraws! — I don’t have much justification for these, other than the fact that my plant babies also deserve a little drinky drink in celebration of summertime.